Near the very end of my pregnancy I grew tired. I was huge and lacking sleep. I had to use the bathroom literally ever 30 minutes even in the middle of the night.
My labor was easy compared to most. It was medicated and lasted 10 hours. The baby came at 8pm. I happily breastfed my new baby and woke frequently during the first night to do so. On the second night the baby was up all night. I kept falling into a cycle of nurse baby to sleep, swaddle baby (a skill I was terrible at - especially at 4AM), place baby in bassinet (a firm plastic tub), pick baby up because baby just woke up crying the moment baby's head hit the bassinet, repeat process.
I was still recovering from the birth and a few weeks of "end of pregnancy sleep deprivation". The hospital I was staying at was very pro breastfeeding and did not have a nursery that you could send your baby to so you could sleep. All healthy babies had to room with their mothers. They also had big signs up on the walls of my room stating "Do NOT fall asleep with the baby in the hospital bed".
By 4:30AM on the second night I was so exhausted I felt like I was going to lose it. I was never good at pulling all-nighters, let alone all-nighters after having just given birth. I have no idea how anyone with a 48 or 72 hour labor would have proceeded at this point. A nurse saved me that night and took the baby an hour early for her newborn screen and I was able to sleep until 7AM. The full 2.5 hours of sleep was quite a treat.
After returning home with my new baby, I experienced more of the same (nurse baby to sleep, try to sneak baby into crib, baby immediately wakes up, try again). I became nearly delirious with exhaustion after a few days.
One evening I woke up next to my baby. She was sleeping so soundly. I was rather freaked out and somewhat ashamed that I had fallen asleep with my baby. I did not even remember falling asleep. I had apparently slept for several hours. I certainly was not planning on co-sleeping/bed-sharing with my baby. I had read all of the warnings about this. Still, I felt much better since I was able to get some sleep and my baby seemed very content with the arrangement. Now, I'm sure there are many parents out there who were able to pull off the breastfeed->sleep->transfer bassinet procedure without a problem, but I was not one of them and nothing I tried helped the situation. I was terrified that I would unintentionally fall asleep with my baby in an unsafe environment.
After a lot of Googling and discussion with my husband, we decided to bed-share, safely. We threw out our old queen bed and mattress and got a king bed with a firm mattress. We kept all pillows and blankets away from the baby and made sure there were no gaps between the headboard and the mattress. I slept in an almost instinctual position on my side with my arms and knees extended so that I could not roll over and nothing else could roll over on the baby. This worked well with both of our children. In addition to everyone getting better sleep, it also seemed that the bed-sharing helped satisfy other deep down needs that my babies had.
I feel that if we did not bed-share, my baby would have been subject to riskier situations - like me passing out while trying to feed baby on a chair (this never happened to me, but I know it has happened to many others).
The AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) recommends that babies breastfeed for the first year of life. The AAP also recommends that infants do not share a bed with their parents. This advice is echoed to new parents across the country. Advocating breastfeeding and at the same time advocating against bed sharing is setting many new parents up for failure. In practice this just does not work. Many new parents will unwittingly put their babies at much more risk trying desperately to follow these guidelines, and in the process fall asleep in unsafe conditions. Wouldn't a better approach be to educate new parents of how to safely bed-share? They could prepare for safe bed-sharing ahead of time. Why must the new parents of today be subject to this sleep deprivation torture when there is a better solution?
The argument against co-sleeping is that it is unsafe. Adult beds are not designed for babies. There have been some terrible accidents involving bed sharing. So terrible that the city of Milwaukee started an add campaign against bed sharing. It should be noted that most bed-sharing accidents involved drugs, alcohol, people other than the mother sleeping next to the baby, or an unsafe sleep environment (pillows, couch, inflatable mattress, gap in between headboard and mattress, etc).
It seems that if safe bed-sharing is practiced, most if not all of the risks can be mitigated and parents can reap the rewards of bed sharing such as better sleep, bonding, and breastfeeding. Many of the benefits of bed sharing are discussed here. Wouldn't it be better if the AAP and other organizations put out safe bed-sharing guidelines rather than banning the practice altogether?
Why must today's new parents be set up for failure?
